NO BACK SEATS

This last weekend a group of passionate and talented activists met at the historic Highlander retreat in Tennessee to - well I’m not sure exactly. I’m not sure because 1) it was supposedly a “secret” and 2) the only info that I know of that has come out of it yet has been on twitter. The tweets were intriguing but vague and almost purposefully cryptic, leaving me first curious, then envious, then resentful, then relieved. I honestly have no real facts; only hearsay. But is seems that it was funded by some one or some group, and that the purpose was to explore non-violent civil disobedience as a next step for this movement. I could be wrong. I’d be happy to know more. 

I have been one of the few consistent and loud voices in my highly conservative area, rarely complaining about what is not done, and always working very hard in many ways to create change. I clearly had some strong reactions to not being invited to the retreat and to what I saw happening. As a full-time equal rights activist who has risked everything for this movement in Orange County, Ca – a place where doing what I do is not popular and where being a Jewish woman married to a Black woman is not common, I felt left out. I wanted to be there, working and learning with these amazing people. Even more, though, I was troubled by the way the organizers handled their messaging. 

I admire and respect these activists; they have provided me with support and inspiration. I would even say that some of the members of this group have become my friends. At the same time, I never got my cool card, am not one of the “in” crowd, and rarely get invited to events like the retreat. But I have spent countless hours, days, weeks, months writing letters, knocking on doors, making phone calls, and standing on street corners in Cali, Maine, and freezing cold wet New Jersey trying to get the public to do something to create change. I have helped to create organizations, organized protests, trainings, meetings and events, developed and worked with coalitions, and provided support for struggling individuals and groups. I write, blog, and scream relentlessly. I am a friend of Dan Choi’s and organized a protest in his honor in his hometown of Orange County before Robin even knew who he was. I was the one who told her first that she needed to have him speak at Meet in the Middle. I set up Dan’s introduction to Courage Campaign. The reason I share about what I have done is simply because I feel it at least entitles me to an opinion. 

I did feel left out when I heard about the retreat. I also understand that the space was limited and that there is no way they could have invited every qualified activist in the country to attend. I am not bold enough to think that I am so much more qualified than those who were invited or even the many other activists who were not (I wish sometimes I were more bold). I get that when people do something like this, you can’t invite the world and I am not so full of myself that I feel I SHOULD have been invited. I felt left out - yes - but what hurt and what troubles is the WAY it was handled. Years and years of learning and knowledge about how to build an inclusive cohesive movement were dismissed if even considered at all. 

I think it was in poor taste to start tweeting about what an amazing time the organizers were having – while sometimes inspiring, the tweets also incited feelings of resentment and made it appear that they were part of some elite strata of activists that the rest of us could only hope to join. This is not a way to build a cohesive community. Getting us left-out outsiders angry enough to “act up” too is also not productive -it is divisive.

What would have been a more productive and responsible way to share about the retreat would have been to make some sort of official announcement either before or after the retreat, about the who, what, and why followed by some detailed discussion about what is next and how people can get involved. Perhaps there could have been some announcement made with an invitation for others to submit ideas, thoughts and questions for the group to explore. Or, if secrecy was an important factor integral to protecting the experience, there shouldn’t have been any tweeting. The way it was tweeted and shared was irresponsible and smacked of high school like behavior.

I have been a friend and supporter of Robin and Kip and Willow, JTI, MIM, and the NEM. Of course 100’s if not 1000’s of people on fb could say the same; but I am loud and persistent and have developed relationships with some of them that I deeply value. I did feel left out and had wished I was there in Tennessee. However, now that I have had time to really think about the way such an an amazing opportunity was handled, I am glad not to be associated with behavior that in some ways lacked grace and humility.

I am disappointed. You can dismiss my comments as coming from someone who is simply envious, which I may have been at one point. But now I am sad that those who were fortunate enough to participate were not also humble enough to recognize that there are many many others who are not on the cool list, who are not hardworking idolized podium protesters, but who (like me) are still hardworking, tired, unknown and muddied nobodys who have risked everything for what we believe in – for what they believe in too.

The way in which this was handled has alienated and hurt people. To me that is the most destructive thing anyone can do at a time like this and it makes me profoundly sad. I still have respect for the organizers and I hope we will continue to work together, but I feel this needs to be addressed.

You cannot tear down the master’s house using the master’s tools. 

Finally, it has to begin right here first.  So here I go. 

In SINCERE solidarity,
Laura AGITATOR Kanter

Addendum:

After I posted my note yesterday, Robin and Kip called me. We had a good talk and today they posted a note about the retreat. I wanted to share what I wrote in regards to their post … 

Thank you Robin and Kip for sharing this information. Thank you so much for your call yesterday. It meant a great deal to me. It was a demonstration of accountability and leadership. 

As far as my own learning from all of this, I hope people can read past my self-absorbed disappointment over not being invited to see that my real sadness was about the way the messaging was handled. I admit wholeheartedly that at first I felt left out and as a Jew and a Lesbian (and a geek, what can I say), that is such an all-too familiar pain. I sat with that a few days and thought a lot before writing my note. In retrospect, I might have also taken the high road and called before posting my note. To be honest, I wasn’t even sure who to call because I didn’t know who had organized the event. And, what I wanted to give voice to was not about why I wasn’t invited, but about the way the messaging had resulted in many people feeling left out. That was my concern. As we build this movement together, it is so important that radical inclusivity isn’t just about who you DO invite, but also about how you address those who you do not invite. 

My dear friend and mentor, Zoe Nicholson wrote ”At this moment my concern is that the process is going to create the very outcome they did not want. Freire, Gandhi, King, Wheatley, Greenleaf advised us that whoever is not included at the onset of a movement feels isolated and ultimately rebels. Servant Leaders cast a wide net to include all who care, sort of care, might care, could consider caring.”

We all have to do our homework and that wasn’t done.

I think there is a learning curve here for all of us – me included.  Getting a call from you both so soon after I shared my feelings reminded me why I respect you both. If I didn’t, in fact, I wouldn’t have bothered to share what I felt was so very important. I also felt really strongly that this conversation needed to take place - it still does. It has to. I would guess that is something you did at the retreat and now we have to make it happen out here too.

I am often the first one to raise my hand in a difficult situation. I wear my heart not on my sleeve, but all over my face. It is hard work.

I have always believed you have the good intentions, huge hearts and very capable minds AND you are also willing to listen, struggle and learn.

I am not sorry I posted my note or blog because it was truthful, appropriate and has forced a conversation to begin that needs to happen on a much larger scale. I guess I was once again giving voice to the outsiders… at least some. I know not everyone felt the way I did.

Besides, I am an activist. I agitate. Would you expect any less? 

I am reminded of when I first started communicating with you, Robin, and you used to sign your emails - I think it was “With thoughtfully positive intent” ? (is that it? I can’t remember exactly.) The first email I sent you was to ask you what that was about - and as you have always done, despite being so very very busy, you emailed me back right away.

I want to thank you both from the bottom of my heart for reading my post under the assumption that it was written “with thoughtfully positive intent.” 

In Solidarity -
Laura Kanter